What Is A “Real Man”?

There are so many articles written by women that state the characteristics of a “real man”. Usually misappropriated and unsolicited advice doesn’t bother me… but for some reason, this one did.

This is coming from a guy who considers himself a feminist. I firmly believe that women are the most majestic and amazing creatures in existence… but this one right here? Not much of a fan.

I’m referring to the article “8 Reasons Why You Should Marry The Complicated Girl”.

Quote #1

I am not simple. I am a challenge for any man, I will admit. I demand more from everyone because I see great potential.

You demand? Last time I checked, I was an adult that can make my own decisions. So essentially you’re just explaining why you’re on the fast track to becoming a spinster. Got it.

There’s a fine line between you challenging me to become a better man and you attempting to manipulate me to adjust my character to your liking. The difference is intention: is the change for us, or is it for you?

There is also a difference between “challenge” and “contentious”, and you seem to align more with the latter. Aggressively explaining your opinion as fact is not the way to the altar, but rather a one-way ticket to Bitterville. Talk WITH me, not AT me.

Quote #2

My dad always says the thing that attracted him most to my mom was the fact that she was smarter than him. Only a real man can say that and know it’s good for him.

What’s most irritating is the fact that she thinks she knows what all “real men” would know and do. I’m not saying that all men are good guys, because frankly they aren’t. However, don’t assume that we are all incapable of choosing what’s best for ourselves, because frankly that’s a lie.

Most women would readily cut a man to shreds if he even tried to fix his mouth to generalize chunks of the female gender. Equality flows both ways.

Quote #3

An unevolved man or a boy will always want the simple girl. He doesn’t want to be challenged or confronted. But, a real man knows that by being with a complicated girl, he will be better for it. At times, this girl can be difficult, but he knows her intentions are good.

I’ve witnessed a lot of women stand firm in twisted beliefs of what a “real man” is supposed to do, unwilling to change or compromise despite the man’s efforts to be an active participant, and expecting him to just put up with it. It never ends well: either he stays and the relationship is miserable, or he leaves and she thinks “all men are dogs”.

Yes, I want to marry a woman that challenges me to be a better man. I want her to call me on my BS, just like I’d call her on hers. However, this does NOT mean I want to marry a woman who thrives in discord.

Challenge, yes. Complicated? Absolutely not.

Moral of the Story/Rant

I’ve been fortunate enough to observe a lot of successful marriages, and the main takeaway is this: A great marriage is about compassion and compromise, not competition and control. (Alliteration aside)

We’ve all been hurt; what matters most is what we do with it. If you care for the other person’s heart as much as your own (as you should), it will succeed. If you constantly try to one-up the other, or try to force your opinion to reign supreme, it will most likely crash and burn.

I know my marriage (whenever that will be) will include arguments; in these times I have to be able to hear her perspective, not just mine. Sometimes I will be wrong, and I can’t be afraid to admit that. Sometimes she will be wrong, and I can’t be ready to rub it in her face. When one wins the argument, you BOTH lose.

I understand the intention of the article: don’t settle for what’s easy, but chase what makes you better. However, the angle was colored with bitterness. It’s as if she’s looking for an assistant, not a partner.

I’m looking for a Proverbs 31 woman, not a wife like Job’s.

*cues “Miss Know It All” by Babyface*